Ending a Relationship: Things to First Consider
Daily calendar: Water the plants; walk the dog; break up with significant other
If you relationship has soured and you want to take the necessary steps to end it, it should be more than a mere entry on your “to do” list. Sadly, many relationships last far beyond their expiration dates simply because breaking up is hard to do. But if you have determined to end your relationship, you should do so honestly, with civility and dignity.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window. Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says its caput. How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. You must determine what the real reason is. The next step in ending a relationship is to be honest. In your discussion with your partner you just be true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a time to get together to talk in person. Don’t have this conversation on the phone unless you are in a long distance relationship. It is better to have the discussion sooner than later, so if distance is an issue and you can’t get together in the near future, the phone may have to do. But never break up in a text message or an e-mail. That is not dignified, and it is unkind.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion. Dont put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things youve learned and the memories you will cherish. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.
Dont take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they dont really mean. Let these words roll off of your back. Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
Do not let your partner make you feel guilty. Youre ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean the end, close the book? That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple. However, if you are determined to walk away, its best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.